Where do I start? These first posts are always difficult to write; trying to figure out what topic to start with and what to say. So what do I write about? How do I decide? I suppose since Christmas is two weeks away and the shopping season is upon us, I should begin here.
Being single, separated or divorced this time of year is difficult enough without adding the added stress of finances and gift buying. So what have I learned? This is my second Christmas being separated and I have figured out a few things. Some of you may have already learned these truths and if so you are a step in the right direction.
I want, I want, I want.
Have young kids? If so you have probably heard these words. So what do you do when Christmas day is bearing down on us and we have children to buy for and less money to buy gifts with?
This should probably be obvious but it bears repeating.
Set a budget and stick to it.
No, really. Decide how much you can manage to spend and do not go over it. And do not budget based on credit. I set my limit this year and even though I could have likely spent more I stuck with it. This was a first for me.
I stood at the checkout placing toys on the conveyor belt, listening to the beep of the cash register, watching the total creep closer and closer to my limit. Sigh. A few items were still in my cart when my limit was reached, only a few more items and I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal to go over just $30. I held fast. Can you put these items back for me please? I asked the cashier. She was nice enough about it but was probably a bit annoyed. I did it, I went into the store with a set budget and I stuck with it. The kids will just have to deal with a few less gifts under the tree this year.
Another lesson learned was that I do not have to compete with their mother or grandparents.
You don’t have to compete with gifts.
The more you spend on someone does not equate to how much you love them.
This was a tough lesson to learn for myself. I felt if I didn’t spend well above my means on gifts then my love was lacking. Find special gifts you can use as a family or make gifts or you could even come up with creative free gifts.
Which of the following do you think would be better?
Spending within your budget, spending quality time with your family and not being stressed?
Or
Racking up credit card debt, working overtime away from your family to pay off those debts and being stressed?
Christmas is a time for remembering Christ’s birth; God leaving heaven to come to earth for us. It is not about outspending your ex-spouse to try to prove your love to the kids.
This Christmas I would encourage you to put away those credit cards. Spend extra time with your children and enjoy the season for what it is. There may not be many gifts under the tree this year but that doesn’t reflect on the love you show your kids.
I will wrap this post up so that I don’t go too long but look for a continuation of this topic on my next post.
For now think about what you can do for your kids this Christmas that doesn’t require much money. Think about refusing to use credit cards and think about what Christmas is meant to be.
I learned a long time ago that gifts are not what they really want, even though they think it is. We never get Loralei tons of gifts, one she just doesn’t need them and two, even though we’re not divorced we’re living on one income so in the same boat financially. Last year she got 5 presents that’s it, from us. She gets gifts from so many other people that she doesn’t need them. Plus we don’t want her to think that Christmas is just about gifts, which she doesn’t but there’s a slippery slope and all it takes is one slip and then you’re trying to get them to climb back up to the truth. Though one year she got like 30 gifts but that’s b/c I got them all for free or for like 2 bucks lol Polly Pockets gave out coupons for free polly pockets and I got her all that I could get Yeah she had fun that year.
Anyways, we have “traditional” gifts that I get her every year no matter what, she gets a new pair of jammies to open Christmas Eve (we open one or two presents Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas Day) and then she gets a book that I pick out, those two are musts and will always happen. After that it’s whatever she’s into or what I think she might want or need. She’ll get a few things this year b/c they will be less in price and well things I’ve put off through the year so I would have something to get her. She gets so much during the year when Christmas comes or even her birthday it’s hard to buy for her.
We also do Jesus’s birthday, which is neat, she doesn’t get presents then but we have a cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus (we kind of do this the week before Christmas if we’re going to not be at our house) and it puts a perspective on Christmas that is taken away by commercialization.
I look forward to reading what you have to write about being a single dad as only you can do that from your perspective, not every single dad is the same.
By: Shannon on December 11, 2009
at 10:41 pm
I think your comment is longer then my post lol
By: joshminso on December 14, 2009
at 7:00 pm
Keep writing, Josh. I hope that your life will be able to help others along the way.
Sis
By: tam on December 12, 2009
at 5:04 am
Thanks Josh. This is a great post. I needed this reminder.
By: Connie on December 12, 2009
at 12:43 pm