I was planning on going to my creative feed team tonight but that was cancelled. I then debated whether or not to go to a different meeting at church so I had something to do; sometimes I just like places to go.  The kids are staying with my mom, upstairs, tonight since I am on call for work so I wanted to take advantage of the time.

I spent some time with the kids when I got home for about an hour or so and I could really tell they missed me. In the end I decided to forgo the meeting and just go upstairs with the kids and just be with them.

Mom made them hot chocolate and I just sat with them while they had that, but that was over with quickly and they wanted to play, especially my girl.

So we played.

We played run around and “boo” each other.

We played hide and seek and despite not many hiding places I learned how to trick the kids and I was able to go undiscovered, I gave up my hiding place after 5 or 10 minutes so that I would be able to use it again one day.

I also got mooned by my girl, my four-year-old girl. It was a full on, pants down, bent over type of moon, still not sure where she learned that from.

After all that my boy sat on the floor filling in his new calendar for 2010 and my girl sat with me as we read several short books. Then we said I love you and goodnight.

So what was the point behind this post? There isn’t one except to say that sometimes meetings get canceled for a reason and you end up being exactly where you should be.

So how is the Christmas shopping for the kids going? Are you sticking with your budget? I hope so. Now chances are you have more people (friends, family, maybe even co-workers) on your list of people to buy gifts for but there is one you may want to cross off and not even think about, your ex.

Depending on, well, many different things you could be at any point in relation to your ex. Perhaps there is resentment, bitterness, forgiveness, understanding, mutuality or any number of feelings. Where you are at in your feelings about her will likely determine how you feel about providing your kids the monetary resources to purchase her a gift or two from them. Perhaps you feel as though (again depending upon numerous factors) she has taken enough already from you and you refuse to give over anything voluntarily. So what do you do? Do you give in to your selfish motives and refuse to provide your kids with a means to purchase a gift for her or do you give your feelings and resentment over to God and provide a way for your kids to get their mom something?

This may be very difficult for you. I am in no way saying that I know what you are going through and I do not know the circumstances surrounding your divorce or separation. I am only speaking through what I know.

I know that my children love their mother dearly. I know they would be heartbroken if they were not able to give her a gift for Christmas. I know that they are the innocent victims of what happened between me and their mom.

I have set a budget for the kids. No, not on what I am spending on them but on what I am giving them to use for their mom. It is important not to try and upstage her, maybe you are thinking you will spend a large amount of money, more then you have a means to, to try and make her feel guilty. I know my resources and what I can comfortably (well as comfortably as is possible in my current situation) allow my children to spend on her.

She may not reciprocate to the gifts in a positive way but that should not be your motive. I am trying to show Christ’s love through the giving. I want my children to learn of that in all I do. I also want to see the joy on their faces, even if I only know it is there, when they are able to gift something to mom.

I would urge you to set aside your pride, anger or resentment and give out of love. If you feel as though that is impossible then you are right. Maybe you cannot show her love on your own but you can allow Christ to show love through you to her. Merry Christmas to all the exes for God loves us all.

Where do I start? These first posts are always difficult to write; trying to figure out what topic to start with and what to say. So what do I write about? How do I decide? I suppose since Christmas is two weeks away and the shopping season is upon us, I should begin here.

Being single, separated or divorced this time of year is difficult enough without adding the added stress of finances and gift buying. So what have I learned? This is my second Christmas being separated and I have figured out a few things. Some of you may have already learned these truths and if so you are a step in the right direction.

I want, I want, I want.

Have young kids? If so you have probably heard these words. So what do you do when Christmas day is bearing down on us and we have children to buy for and less money to buy gifts with?

This should probably be obvious but it bears repeating.

Set a budget and stick to it.

No, really. Decide how much you can manage to spend and do not go over it. And do not budget based on credit. I set my limit this year and even though I could have likely spent more I stuck with it. This was a first for me.

I stood at the checkout placing toys on the conveyor belt, listening to the beep of the cash register, watching the total creep closer and closer to my limit. Sigh. A few items were still in my cart when my limit was reached, only a few more items and I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal to go over just $30. I held fast. Can you put these items back for me please? I asked the cashier. She was nice enough about it but was probably a bit annoyed. I did it, I went into the store with a set budget and I stuck with it. The kids will just have to deal with a few less gifts under the tree this year.

Another lesson learned was that I do not have to compete with their mother or grandparents.

You don’t have to compete with gifts.

The more you spend on someone does not equate to how much you love them.

This was a tough lesson to learn for myself. I felt if I didn’t spend well above my means on gifts then my love was lacking. Find special gifts you can use as a family or make gifts or you could even come up with creative free gifts.

Which of the following do you think would be better?

Spending within your budget, spending quality time with your family and not being stressed?

Or

Racking up credit card debt, working overtime away from your family to pay off those debts and being stressed?

Christmas is a time for remembering Christ’s birth; God leaving heaven to come to earth for us. It is not about outspending your ex-spouse to try to prove your love to the kids.

This Christmas I would encourage you to put away those credit cards. Spend extra time with your children and enjoy the season for what it is. There may not be many gifts under the tree this year but that doesn’t reflect on the love you show your kids.

I will wrap this post up so that I don’t go too long but look for a continuation of this topic on my next post.

For now think about what you can do for your kids this Christmas that doesn’t require much money. Think about refusing to use credit cards and think about what Christmas is meant to be.